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Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Friday, July 24, 2009

A made up story about Shaquille O'Neal

Coach: Hey Shaq, thanks for coming into my office for your performance review.

Shaq: No problem.

Coach: Well, I wanted to tell you that you're not quite up to our standards, and we're going to put you on a performance improvement plan.

Shaq: Really? What do I need to improve?

Coach: Well, the main thing is we really need to see more basketball mastery out of you. You tend to miss a lot of shots, and you pass the ball on to others a lot instead of taking it up the court yourself. That's not what we're looking for in a point guard.

Shaq: I'm not sure what I can do, I've been trying really hard and it seems like nothing I do really works. I've been working on my dribbling skills, and I pass the ball to other people because they can do a better job of it than I can.

Coach: But to be on this team, you need to demonstrate basketball mastery. And unfortunately I haven't seen that out of you yet. So I'm going to schedule weekly one on ones with you and have you work with our ball-handling coach on Tuesdays, and our jump shot coach on Fridays. Then in 6 months, we'll schedule a time to meet up and I'm confident you'll improve. But if we don't see any improvement, we might have to release you.

Shaq: Coach, I've been thinking, maybe point guard isn't the right position for me to play.

Coach: Really, why do you say that?

Shaq: First of all, I'm 7 feet tall and I weigh 325 pounds. I think if you let me play center, I'd be able to dunk over anyone who'd be guarding me.

Coach: I definitely see that you're tall, and you are pretty muscular. But in order to be successful on this team, you need to demonstrate basketball mastery in the role you are in right now. After you do that, you can consider a change to center. So I want you to concentrate on your ball handling skills and your jump shots, and I want to see you bring the ball up the court instead of passing it on to the shorter and quicker players.

Shaq: Coach, I will do my best, but I really think if you gave me a chance to play center, I could demonstrate my basketball mastery skills by rebounding and scoring near the rim.

Coach: Basketball mastery skills are fundamental and they are the same in any role. So you need to demonstrate them in your current role as a point guard. After you've proven yourself, then someone in the center department might be willing to take you on.

Shaq: Um, OK...

Follow up

So Shaq goes out and tries to demonstrate his basketball mastery skills by taking the ball up the court and working on his jump shot. But he struggles, turning the ball over a lot and missing a lot of shots. He ends up being put on the bench, where he sits there today as a 3rd string point guard, never getting a chance to play center, and the world will never know how good of a center he could have been...


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Saturday, December 27, 2008

An Entrepreneur's Poem

I’m not coming in to work today
An Entrepreneur's Poem

I’m not coming in to work today
And this really shouldn’t surprise you
If you took the time you’d know –
There’s so much more that I can do

I can’t cost save any more
Another meeting I can’t sit through
I have no passion for this crap anymore
It’s been captured in my review

I just won’t run the rat race again
Too much politics and things untrue
And too many years I feel I’ve sold
For wages below my value

I’ve decided to leave the corporate world
To let my spirit free
For in the real world you know
You’re not the boss of me

The business decisions haven’t been that hard
There was no need to complicate it
You managed out of fear of your own boss
And made all your employees hate it

I know money, I know sales,
It’s just not that hard you know
But you confined me in this terrible job
With not much room to grow

So you work smarter instead of harder
Increase your productivity
I’m going down a better road
To become what I’m meant to be

A leader, a blogger, a singer – who knows?
It almost doesn’t matter to me
I’d much rather do one-hundred things
Than the few you gave to me

You see I’m not at all sick of working
I need an outlet for my creativity
It’s just the work you wanted seemed -
To drained the life from me

But don’t feel bad about me leaving
No company could work you see
Don’t blame yourself for my attrition
No. It’s not you - it’s me

I know that I am better than this
More capable than you could see
And I’ll get credit for all my work
When I am working for me

I’ll no longer count my hours
Or ask for a vacation day
I will just work my butt off -
And relax whenever I say

So I’ll forget my title, forget my rank
They didn’t mean a thing anyway
Just take this job and shove it –
I’m not coming in to work today

A poem by Tom @ The Corporatepreneur (c) 2008


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